Not being content with making a terribly clichéd and Indianised version of The Italian Job called Players, Abbas Mustan felt that they needed a film much more worse, which would give them the personal satisfaction of having sunk into abysmally low depths of creativity. Hence they return with Race 2, a film that makes Players and Race seem like classics in comparison. Sure, originality has never been a USP of their films, but their films did make for fun-viewing in the past, with movies like Baazigar, Khiladi, Soldier et al.
In an Abbas Mustan universe, rooted far away from reality, anything and everything is possible as shown in Race 2. The characters are living a life any Indian would dream of while living abroad. In Abbas Mustan’s universe, Indians have captured Europeans and other foreign nations and the local residents of these countries are being subjected to a life of slavery by Indians. That is the prime reason why every other extra you see in Race 2 is a firang. These foreign extras clap, smile, walk stiff, gush on seeing John Abraham, act scared and do whatever they are instructed. Perhaps their biggest USP is they also dance quite well! Now that also takes care of the issue of background dancers for the songs.
Now this really tempts me to make Pakya Unchained: A film based on slavery of the fair-skinned foreigners by Indians.
And guess what, it seems like Hindi has been a part of the curriculum of these foreign nationals since adolescence and hence they possess a very good understanding of the language. Which is why you see them clap, get excited and go ooh, aah & wow when Deepika announces in Hindi that she and John have acquired a chain of casinos.
In the 70’s, you had vamps such as Bindu who seductively emerged out of a pool clad in bikini, mingle among champagne-sipping goons, look focused during an important discussion and look forward to give her valuable inputs. Nothing much has changed, Deepika still surfaces from water clad in two piece. sits with John and Saif during an important conversation with an I-pad for company, all the while looking for a chance to make intelligent contributions to the discussion.
People still live in palatial houses, which could easily accommodate 2-3 suburbs of Mumbai. Moreover, these houses have installed more than a dozen display monitors and cameras for surveillance. From this day on, I have sworn to target such places. For they shall help me achieve the “sales target” for my entire office in a snap (we’re in the business of display monitors).
When Manmohan Desai’s films of yore such as Parvarish had scenes showing people cheat in card games with the help of X-ray goggles and other tricks, we mere mortals laughed blatantly at its absurdity. Yet, only technology whizkids like Mustan brothers and the writers of Race 2 had the farsightedness to understand the futuristic vision of Manmohan Desai. This is why you see Deepika sporting glares which scans the opponent’s cards for John Abraham during a game of poker. Of course the micro chip sensors and other technical jargon makes it seem more relevant. I am sure the makers of the film must have taken the help of Google, Dell Intel and other such industry giants to display this scene of pure technical genius.
Saif Ali Khan has still not recovered from the failure of Agent Vinod. Which is why you see him in Race 2, doing what could be extending his role from Agent Vinod. He is a master in archery, boat riding, fencing and every other sport imaginable under the sun. Oh, did I forget to mention that he also transforms into a master thief in this film?
John Abraham is, well, just John Abraham and does an efficient job of looking angry, intense and cunning. All of which seem similar and resembles his trademark look (or rather, the constipated look). He also pays homage to Robot, Hulk, Iron man and other such characters during the song sequences with his stiffness and robotic movements. The only time he appears natural is during the end scene – (Spoiler alert for those still interested in watching this film 🙂 ) when he justifies his motive for killing Bipasha Basu (yes she has a silly cameo in the film). John incorporates quite an amount of anger and pain while enacting this scene, which he must have experienced after his very public separation from Bipasha Basu.
Jacqueline Fernandez and Deepika Padukone do nothing much in the film apart from looking hot and mouth inane dialogues throughout. Whenever a movie requires an actor to play the role of a don who has nothing to do, Aditya Pancholi is there.
Amisha Patel’s desperation to salvage her nonexistent career post some really forgettable films and a failed love affair with Vikram Bhatt is quite visible. If her role and exposure of skin in the film is an indication, then she is ready to pop her cherry with anyone provided she is offered a film in exchange.
If you thought Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol saw Anil Kapoor at his worst, then you are wrong. Race 2 tops Kapoor’s hall of shame in recent times. His narration in the beginning of the film only adds to the misfortune of watching this film and his atrocious performance. For the sake of the viewers’ sanity and his own reputation, Anil Kapoor seriously needs to re-strategise his career.
Writer Shiraz Ahmed and dialogue writer Kiran Kotrial need to find a place in the Indian hall of grindhouse fame for the absurd screenplay and the cheesy dialogues. Kotrial surely owes his talent to the Kanti Shah School of Filmmaking which is very much visible in the dialogues he has penned for the film.
Sample these – ‘ Cherry, I don’t have the time to pop your cherry’
‘Hai toh Half sister, but hai wohh full shaani’
‘Wohh gayi tel lene – yaane ek Arab ke saath bhaag gayi’
In fact, all the dialogues of the film would make for a fun read if compiled in a single book- preferably a toilet paper edition. The Indian censor board which deems The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo unfit for a theatrical release in India despite an Adults certificate seems no harm in giving Race 2 and other such films a U/A certificate despite the crude content in it. Clearly some foul play is at work here.
Much like the well starched white shirts, Abbas-Mustan surely need to cleanse their minds before they venture to make their next monstrosity of a film.
I don’t make any resolutions for the New Year as I generally don’t believe in it. But, I am now making a resolution of staying away from watching every other potential 100 crore mindblaster this year in theaters like I used to do earlier before the beginning of MAM, as it very essential for the sake of retaining my sanity and for the cause of good cinema.
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