The 5th Wave (2016) Movie Review: The 5th Wave….of Disappointment! (Twilight + Aliens)

If there is anything to prove that our future is bleak, it is watching our next generation grow up. Right from their music (that God awful Beaver and his donkey braying!), to reading horse shit like Twilight, the future is clear and it is depressing. All forms of art will soon die and their collapse is imminent, and future historians will probably pin down this decade as the trigger of our civilization’s cultural collapse.

The 5th Wave PosterHowever I digress and that too, is because I have just seen what can only be classified as the pivot in our cultural downfall and it takes its roots in the wormhole that is young adult science fiction. From the genre that gave us masterpieces like the Divergent series, the Maze Runner, I am Number four, Eragon and many such ‘gems’, comes yet another mind blowing crap fest; The 5th wave. The movie is based upon the first book in the trilogy written by the ex –IRS collector Rick Yancey. The book was a big hit (sigh) and having not read the book I will refrain from making assumptions here.

Seeing that this is a review, I shall delve into the basics and try and explain to the best of my ability how this movie goes. Average high school girl crushes on boys, aliens come, mommy dies, Army takes over, brother is captured by army, daddy dies, girl fights to get her brother back, aliens are good guys, army is bad guys, Colonel (or is he a General?!) dies. Girl kisses alien. Ka-BOOM! (Everything explodes).The End!

There I saved you a couple of bucks!

The saving grace in this movie would be Chloe ‘Grace’ Moretz (see what I did there 🙂 ) as the lead. She does a decent job of acting like the confused sap of a teenage girl, who crushes on her class boys, loves her family and dotes on her little brother. Alas, she has dropped a long way from her kick-butt-first-ask-questions-later avatar of Hit Girl (Ref: Kickass), but well, a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do! So here we see her in a pretty different role, albeit not a good role, but she does a decent job in it.

The rest of the cast, not so much!

As with all Young Adult Sci-Fi movies, the visual effects were something that could make or break them and somehow I think this one broke. J Blakson (Director) is pretty new to the scene of movies (I believe it is his 2nd foray as a director of full length motion picture) and well, he can only go up from here. But he has a long long looooong way to go up, and even then he might just make the tail end of the average director’s herd.

The 5th WaveThe story of the movie is flat, and there is nothing (and I do mean nothing!) interesting about it. It is so predictable, that you feel you have already seen this movie earlier. And of course logic takes a back seat here, I mean it deals with an alien race which can cause earthquakes and tsunamis and spread viruses and yet need children to kill adults as a way to take over the planet. Most inefficient bunch of morons I’d say. Heck! Paul and ET had a better chance of taking over our planet and don’t even get me started on if the aliens from Independence Day saw these guys, they would plunder and pillage THEIR planet!

The movie works well on one level (assuming we have the attention span of a goldfish) and that is some of the individual scenes (very select few) work well on their own. If it weren’t for the bad writing, the gaping holes in logic, the horribly developed characters and the completely unnecessary romantic “tension” crow-barred-in the movie, this has the potential of competing with could have been pretty cool.

However for a majority of the roughly 120 minutes, there were instances where I was hoping to stick the straw from my coke up my nose and flood my brain with the cola!

Much like the 5 stages of dealing with grief, there are 5 waves depicting the demise of our culture here and these are:

  • The decline of the music industry
  • The death of Literature
  • Twerking
  • The remorse of seeing our youth icons
  • This movie!

In the end, if you are not a girl aged between 11-15 years old …. Or you are Jaden Smith, you should definitely avoid this movie like the plague.

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